I will keep this nice and short but today I came across an inspiring Facebook post by Dani Hawkins. Don’t really know her that well, if at all but we went to school together, all be it she was the year below me. With national autism day coming up, she posted about her younger brother having it and the trials and troubles she along with her family have gone through over the years. It was amazing to read such a heart felt post and for someone else to get people aware of autism.
I’ve since contacted her and asked her to do a post for this blog should she be willing to, and I’m glad to say she has agreed to do one. To speak to someone who has a close connection to autism and understands what he little brother goes through which enables me to support her and speak to her about it all is great. The post will be up at some point but I’d like to thank her for saying she will do it and hope that through her, as she’s more popular than me, other people will be more aware of it.
Until the next post, thankyou Dani and all those reading this.
First off Id like to apoligise to my followers and the people who read my blog for not posting recently. Things have happened recently in my life which have made me take a step back and re-evaluate things.
So onto the actual post, recently my anxiety has started up again pretty badly. I feel it’s came on due to refocusing my life and I’ve kind of been ignoring my slow downfall. It only really hit me when I was away on holiday that I wasn’t happy anymore. I started worrying about the smallest things and just life in general. This then started to take its toll on my work life as I wasn’t going in and I was causing my manager issues which I clearly didn’t want to do.
I made myself make steps to improving and getting better. 5 steps which I believe are all manageable.
- Do the breathing exercises I’ve been taught in the past. These got me through my train journeys and hopefully they will work again soon.
- Take my meds at the correct time and consistently take them all in terms of correct quantise.
- Change my diet. I’ve decided to go veggie for a month and eat alot of organic food. So with me only eating quorn as meat substitute and eating lots of dried fruits and nuts.
- Attempt new helping mechanisms. Hypnotherapy is something I’ve always wanted to try and not the process is in place for myself.
- Finally, make amends with all whom I’ve hurt emotionally recently. This wil clear my conscience and allow me to stop worrying about possible repercussions of the offensive things i may have done.
So hopefully those steps will get me to the better place I crave to be in. Also with the assurance of going back to anglesey for Easter weekend away can only help me as it’s the only place in the world I feel truly happy and at peace.
So after a decent weekend in which I got called into a last minute game to ref and my sister cooked her famous meatball, trust me, they’re literally amazing!!!!:) and she never cooks for me so when she does, I’m very happy.
Until next time, thanks for all the support,
This was wrote in the journey up on the Sunday but due to poor internet, it’s only up now.
So with me having to use all my holidays up in March, I decided to take a week off and head down to the family caravan in anglesey. Mum, dad and kelly, headed up Friday afternoon and due to work I am only heading up today (Sunday). With the earliest direct train being 3:22, it allowed me to go and referee in the morning. As I write this for some reason there has been a 25 min stop over in chester which is dam well annoying as I want to try and see the sea view in the little amount of day light left when I arrive at the caravan park.
So onto the week ahead, I’m going to look into surfing lessons for when I go up in the summer, parents are going to take me exploring around the place and overall chill out. With only having 2 full days there, I want to make the most of it and try and regain the place I was in before the start of the year.
With having so much time on my hands this afternoon, it allowed me to do a lot of thinking and contemplating the place that im currently in in terms of my life. As you will all know it’s been a crap year so far with dads illness and with me working a 28 hour week, which is pushing myself with regards to my autism as I never ever thought I would be constistnly doing it, it’s made me realise that I can actually do more than I ever thought I could do. My goals this year were pretty simple as I didn’t want to try too hard to do too much. I set myself 5 goals which all have their own time span to be achieved in.
- Make my family proud with the way I deal with things. I know many people say that is something they strive for every day but it’s something I actually want to do as it’s about time I stepped up.
- Become a better overall person. I’m not saying I want to change the world or any of that crap, I just want to improve the way I act and more importantly react to things in life.
- Get promotion for refereeing in motion again. This is something I’ve put off for many years for many reasons. At present I’m not using my talent or what I believe is a talent.
- Stay in a job for longer than 3 1/2 months. Now to most people this will sound a strange one, but to me, I always mess things up or let my fears take over and ruin things.
- Get myself into a physical condition which I’m happy with. Admittedly I put on with through comfort eating this year so my goal by my 20th birthday is to lose 2 stone. This won’t be easy but I’m sure I will:)
So with my goals now out there, let me know what you think of them. To me today’s journey is a short term goal. Some people may be aware that I hate train journeys with a passion with anyone let alone a 3 hour 15 one on my own. It’s not a bad costing journey with a single there being £27 and a single back being £16 so pretty happy to be honest. It’s quite strange going through Wales with brief stops all over the place. Although with a sea view a lot of the time, I can’t really complain.
Sooooo, thanks for reading this, I understand that some entries of late haven’t been great or to the standard I expect of myself and that of the National Autistic Society expects so I can only apoligise for that. Despite that, I am pretty happy with this entry.
So to close on the same old phrase,until next time, take care,
This was wrote on the journey home but poor internet has only allowed me to post it now.
So after 3 nights away I’m currently on train home. Apoligies for lack of posts the last few days, the wifi wasn’t great at the site!! Only my phone could pick it up unfortunately hence why there are 2 posts up today, the Sunday’s one which was wrote on the way up, and today’s which is being wrote on the way home.
For me although I didn’t do a great deal on this “holiday” as such, it was just the point of relaxing and forgetting about the stresses of work and overall life. Arriving so late on Sunday evening didn’t really allow for me to do anything other than get a takeaway and chill at the caravan. To be honest all I wanted to do was sleep when I got there as it was a long ass journey to Holyhead from shrews on my own so my iPad and music kept me company along the journey. Also as stupid as it sounds, me and trains don’t really get along due to my anxiety of journeys on my own in an unfamiliar surrounding around people I don’t know at all. So Monday was crap weather so a late breakfast and a few lessons from the island aswell as getting the odd bits to improve the caravans exterior, eg plants and herbs for mum to admire and use. It also felt right as my Granny Dot,(mums mum) was into using her herbs and her small Greenhouse at the end of her garden. Sadly she passed away 8 years ago but it felt right that we now have our small herb garden there. Also Grandad Ron,(mums dad) was into his fresh greens and gardening so that touch is for them 2. The rest of the day was spent majorly at the caravan due to the weather but it was just nice to be away from home.
Tuesday was stunning weather and allowed me to go for a cycle and an explore of the Isle of anglesey. As you can all see, it’s a stunning place there and to briefly explore the place was great and it allowed me to smile properly again. To see for miles and miles was so mesmerising and makes you realise a lot about yourself. Some may say it’s not “cool” to go away with your parents but I’m thankful they allowed me to go away when they were away. The whole day made me question if I actually was in Wales, due to the incredible views when along the coast. To touch the sea water for the first time in 5 years was great, all be it, it was dam cold!!:)
Wednesday/today’s weather is pretty dodgy to be honest. The words Torrential Rain puts it across pretty well. I’ve loved my time there and I will soon go again. So until then, Thankyou Anglesey, Thankyou Mum/Dad and finally Thankyou Dan and Hayden for letting us get a caravan on your amazing site.
Naturally throughout life, critism is something that everyone faces for many reasons whether it be for their work or just being lazy etc. For me I was criticised at school for being too sensitive and crap at football, the latter I still am now!:) At college I was critsised for my poor attendance record over both years, which I can now put down to my autism, and since then I’ve been critsised for not being on the ball as much as I should be across all things I do.
There’s obviously 2 ways to take critism whether it’s constructive or not. Route A, is to take it to heart and be upset. Easy to see why people do take it that way as no one likes to be told theyre not going about life in what some people believe is the correct way of life. For me at school, I took it to heart and repeatedly got upset about it, this of course touches towards the bullying post from a while back, but to try and out on a face smile so it looked like I was all ok to some people!
Route B, in my view is to take that frustration and feedback and turn it into a positive thing. For instance the negative feedback I’ve had for this blog, I’ve turned into my motivation to prove people wrong and to make all the people who wish to put my down for doing this, and make them realise they can’t defeat me. Some people blog to make money or gain attention, that has never ever been the plan for me. The whole idea behind this was to potentially inspire and make other sporty autistic people amongst other autistic people, that they can succeed and crack on despite things being difficult at time. I’m now luckily in a position where the national autistic society are backing me and supporting this blog massively and I can only thank them for it.
My motivation for me at the moment is if dad can carry on despite his illness, I can do anything I choose to. He truly is an inspiration to me at present. 4 more days at work and then a week off which I dam well need so throughout next week, there may not be many posts up, if any.
I can only thank everyone for their support recently and the feedback on my blog. Until the next post which should be up Wednesday/Thursday, take care,